How I Knocked Out My Grandmother Using Jujitsu

This evening I tapped out my 90 something Grandmother. I was asked to give her a lesson on some of the differences between Taekwondo, the first martial art I ever trained in, and Brazilian Jujitsu, something I’ve recently taken up.

I am always eager to talk about my favorite subject, martial arts, and to pass its wisdom onto whomever can’t head me off first. Already, I had given my four year old cousin a lesson, showing him the first steps of doing a shoulder roll. We were getting along splendidly, rolling around in some sort of oak bush. This seemed to concern the non-martial artists in my family. I assured them I knew precisely what I was doing. They kept reiterating that it was, “poison,” oak or something. Nothing my flawless technique can’t handle.

I did want to spend some time with my beloved grandmother however, and so found an opportune moment to ditch the kid as he tumbled off, sometimes running upon all fours, in some wild direction. Sitting beside the dear woman what could be more natural than that I should proceed to lecture my grandmother on the intricate differences between the various martial arts? I began with a brief half hour introduction on the formation of TKD after WWII, citing the Japanese influence on The Fist Foot Way.

Following this, I proceeded to recite snippets of differing biographical material related to the Gracie family, focusing on the history leading up to the introduction of Brazilian Jujitsu to the United States. She seemed to be saying something at this juncture, and thinking she might have a further question regarding this most manly pursuit, I recognized her inquiry.

The papers she had been holding fell out of her hands as she whispered something. Unable to hear her, I picked up the papers and returned them to her. They again fell out of her hands. Leaning down, I could just make out her saying: “I would like to lie down.”

She then passed out. Thankfully, our family is replete with nurses, and we soon had her back on her feet. I did my best to assure her, promising that when she felt better I would finish telling her all I knew about martial arts.

P.S. On a more serious note, I cannot be more thankful my grandmother is okay. I know I am a bit of a bore, but this is the first time anyone has ever gone so far as to try fainting out of a conversation with me. So Victorian.



  1. Excellent! (Not that you knocked Mom out, but the descriptive tale, mostly true!)

    I hope to be the one to read it to her. Will go see if she has heard it yet when I run over to see her soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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