No Longer Mine’s to Be

BY DR. AGONSON

Sometimes you feel something will give,
yet know not when you’ll break.
I reached my hand out to my love.
Empty, my hand returned.
Before is only darkness now,
no light ahead for me.
A great expanse of void is mine;
no ground beneath my feet.
I’ve lost the time and tempo here;
the seasons pass me by
without a hint of succor there,
nor future fruit to see.
No reason comes in all of this;
desire’s a lonely hell.

The world is beautiful today,
and rainclouds are my coat.

Compare, compare with me:
my tragedy is small,
the writing’s more than all.
But so’s my tragedy,
and mine’s mine to be.

A little bird may hope along,
and hoping sing a song,
but flies from me when I walk by:
with terror it will cry.
And I hear not its joys nor pains
—expect I none hear mine.
The rhymes are broken, songs ended,
no more there’s to be said.
And tweedle dum, da dum, da dee
a warble, warble, tweet
is answered back and forth, you see
with tweedle deedle dum.
And I know none of what is said,
but sing they, they together.

Striking dim the world today,
and cold my rainy coat.

Come forth, come forth and see
there’s nothing left in me.
All bitterness is mine;
All hate I’ll claim as well.
And mine’s mine to be.

Be near me Lord, I pray to You,
return O righteous King.
Please take my heart out from my chest,
and rend my soul anew.
Dread Conqueror, take what is mine;
I give it up to thee.
Surrender I upon my knees
while sobbing at your feet.
Your will be done, not mine but thine,
and I’m your slave with joy.
So take away my loathsome stench.
Restore, restore, restore.
I’ve only me to offer up,
my strength, spirit, and mind.

All worthless is the world to me;
the globe is only tears.

Surrender I, surrender me,
whatever else besides,
I give it all away,
never again to say
mine’s mine to be.

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