Only Onions Make Me Cry


I am a modern man
and I do what I can;
No one may call me fool;
I follow every rule.

Last year I lost my job,
but I would be no slob.
A modern man, you know,
gets food stamps when let go.

My wife went off to work,
but labor I’d not shirk.
I bought a new degree
with money loaned to me.

Yet jobs did not come quick.
Waiting made my wife sick.
She’s happier with Rob,
a friend from her new job.

Alone, a modern man,
I still do what I can.
The happy pills I take
save me a nervous break.

I’ll never shed a tear
over this bitter year.
I’m happy ‘til I die.
O God, I want to cry.


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