Ash

by Dr. Agonson

How has it come now,
the one whom I adored,
that every memory of you
is now ashes on my floor?

I wish so, as it were I wish
with only half a heart,
that never was the day,
or I could undo the day we met.

That we never met and smiled,
we never shared the good,
so I would be spared this pain
and never have said goodbye.

Hello, goodbye, is all the same.
You said goodbye so sweetly,
I truly thought that I would say
hello again. I trusted that heart.

But were we not true in warning?
We knew ourselves and spoke,
no fault was hidden by me or you.
So, would not air kill these stains?

And yet we so truly predicted,
our doom we declared at the start.
You were ice and I was fire,
we found love and killed it together.

Was there hope, was it true,
was anything we had sweet?
Redacted seems all my hope
and enlightened to be only lies.

I want to want nothing,
to slay all my desire, and
be nothing found by hurt.
But I will not die, I only cry.

Always do you tarry pain,
in such matters find you delight,
that death finds itself a flower
before it has time to bloom?

That dreams should die;
so let them die, I say.
I’d let them die if they would,
but the dream remains today.

The sun comes up tomorrow.
I get up and eat and work.
I know no reason for anything.
A broken heart has one dream.

I wish I had never met you,
so go away from me.
Quit your invasion, please
leave my waking thoughts.

You can’t go back to be the same.
I hear some voices say, they say,
the end will make me stronger.
But the end never seems to come.

Like the fool I feel myself
staggering drunkenly away
finding I am deciding that
I want nothing of our dream.

I want nothing of peace
I want no more sweet talks
I desire nothing soft, I wish
to be alien and end my line.

Oh that I could reform myself,
you would find me of iron.
Strike me and you would hear
a hollow echo in my chest.

I cannot stand to hate
but find I no more love.
You are beautiful I saw.
But now I see a sunrise.

There is nothing in this show
the colors are beige to me.
I used to see the sunrise
before you left me.

I find no meaning
everything I perceive
has become empty matter.
Ashes and dust upon a floor.

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